Perfect relationships do not exist. ever. period.
However, sometimes it feels like we may have found one when we have a good man who posts himself up in our corner.
“Good” and “man” are fluid terms in our society, so for the sake of this post, we’ll say that “good” simply means when life isn’t in constant turmoil and strife and when our senses are happy and our plate is manageable. A “man” is someone who is of the male species and can grow facial hair (haha).
So, the operational definition of a “good man” is a male who, by virtue of his character, facilitates a sense of well-being in the lives of those who know him.
And as if a plague wiped them out, we constantly hear, “all of the good men are gone”. Like they were obliterated in a mass extinction or something. This just isn’t true.
However, after spending the last 11 years with Ben, I can say with certainty that a good man is never a perfect man. Rather, the real amazing aspect of being with a good man is that he is imperfect, knows it, and accepts that I am as well. That last part has never stopped him from loving me with his whole self.
Our individual imperfections become a constant exploration of how to bridge the gap between our differences. Some days he shows me the rainbow where I can only see a raindrop, and others I am reminding him that the sun will continue to rise each day, regardless of circumstance.
The power of a good man is that he knows his woman well, but never claims to know her better than she knows herself. He values her independence, her strong will and the fact that she’s stubborn as hell.
A good man can’t predict exactly how his woman will change from a summer breeze to an F5 tornado, but he, after all of these years has noted signs of when the storm is rolling in. As it has been said, there is no bad weather, just bad clothing. This man is still very much affected by the change in the weather, and may still be injured by flying emotional debris, but he always suits up and weathers the storm. He is strong and steady as he navagates it.
A good man faces his own emotions head on. This means he has space for hers as well. He understands the true value in communication. The most important aspect of being a good man is that he is a good man even without her, by creating positive energy in the world simply by being good.
So, what is life with a good man?
It is still life. Our life. Messy and beautiful. There is a lot of facing our fears, both as a couple and individually. There is spontaneous adventure and there are traditions. There is a fair share of tears, arguing and regretted words.
And there is more muted bliss, laughter and raw happiness than I could have ever hoped for.
Thank you, Ben. For being my good man, my lover and my best friend. Thank you for always flowing with me, even when the water is rough. Thank you for loving me fiercely through every day. Thank you for embracing all of my mess. I love you. Happy 5th anniversary. May our years always be full of adventure and love.